Why Are There People With Few Friends?
There are a variety of reasons that can explain why there are people with few friends. Among them are individuals who do it out of preference, since they feel more comfortable being alone or interacting with a small number of people. In these cases, having few friends is not a problem.
On the other hand, there are people who do not have enough time to socialize, such as those who are very busy due to work or academic demands. For them, the lack of interaction with others does not necessarily represent a problem, it all depends on their personality and character.
Finally, there are individuals who have difficulties in establishing and maintaining satisfactory social ties. These are subjects who have few social skills, which negatively interferes with their socialization process. In this article we will emphasize the last group of people, as they tend to present a series of conflicts that significantly affect their well-being.
What are social abilities?
According to Elia Roca “social skills are a series of observable behaviors, but also thoughts and emotions, that help us maintain satisfactory interpersonal relationships and ensure that others respect our rights and do not prevent us from achieving our goals.
The same author adds that socially skilled people seek their own interest, but also consider the feelings of others. In the event of a conflict between the two, it will seek satisfactory solutions that signify an agreement.
Some of the social skills are the abilities to express, both verbally and non-verbally, emotions and thoughts in an ideal way. Also take into account the impact of the manifestations on other people.
Through them, positive emotions can be fostered in others and negative ones, such as anger or resentment , can be reduced. In the same way, allow interpersonal bonds to help you achieve your own goals.
Components of missing social skills in people with few friends
There are some constructs that are usually related to social skills and that are generally absent in people with few friends. These are as follows:
- Assertiveness: consists of the ability to express ourselves in a cordial, sincere, open and direct way, trying to express what is desired without offending or attacking others. Assertive people tend to negotiate the achievement of their goals. It is considered a social skill that encourages the defense of one’s rights, opinions and feelings and, in turn, seeks respect for other people. This way of relating is opposed to inhibition and aggressiveness.
- Empathy: it is the understanding of the thoughts and feelings of the other person. In other words, it is the ability to put oneself in the other’s situation and understand it from there. Like assertiveness, it is a social skill that implies respect and appreciation.
- Emotional intelligence: a person with emotional intelligence is able to identify, understand and express their own emotions in an appropriate way. In addition, it has the ability to regulate its emotional state in order to promote personal development.
How are people with few friends usually?
There are no predefined personality traits for people with few friends, since the causes of poor socialization can vary significantly between each of them. However, individuals who lack social skills may have common characteristics.
They are not very assertive
In general, people with few friends tend to be inhibited or aggressive. In the first case, interpersonal relationships are spoiled by submission, passivity, withdrawal and self-discredit. While in the hostile person, the bonds are affected by the attack and disrespect towards others.
They lack empathy
They are not able to understand the other’s situation. Empathy implies the establishment of good communication that allows the understanding of the feelings and motives of others. This fact is not present in inhibited or aggressive people.
They do not introspect or control their emotions
In the case of the inhibited, they are usually people who repress their emotional states, which prevents their recognition and regulation. On the other hand, the aggressive ones tend to express their emotions fully, without any control over them.
They have negative thoughts most of the time
It was shown that people with low social ability have a higher frequency of negative thoughts than those with high interpersonal competence. This characteristic hinders the establishment of social relationships.
According to the postulates of cognitive psychology, the main determinant of our emotions are the evaluations we make of reality. In other words, the emotional state is defined by what we think about ourselves, about other people, and about reality.
For example, the assessment that a shy and insecure person can create about other individuals, in a certain context, may be that others are judging them in a negative way. While the hostile person will think of the other in a derogatory way, leading them to feel superior.
Can people with relationship difficulties acquire social skills?
The fact that the human being learns how to bond allows that social skills can be acquired. Programs aimed at developing these capacities have even been established. The purpose of these interventions is to promote, in the first instance, assertive behaviors.
Effective social ties are one of the main causes of mental and emotional well-being. For their part, people with low social skills are more susceptible to psychological disturbances, such as anxiety and depression. Therefore, anyone who wants to increase their quality of life should develop their social skills.
Having few friends is not synonymous with a lack of social skills. There are many people who feel more comfortable interacting with a small number of people, which is not a problem.
For its part, having many friends does not guarantee the quality of these relationships either. There are individuals who have no difficulty in establishing and maintaining social ties, however, they are not satisfied with them.
The lack of relationships becomes a problem when the person is not comfortable with this aspect. If so, it is important to identify the reason and work on it.
