How To Handle Jealousy Between Siblings

Although jealousy can appear at specific moments, a child raised with the love, respect and contact he needs from his parents will be better prepared for the arrival of a sibling .

Jealousy between siblings is common and normal. For a child who has been an only child for a few years, the arrival of a baby who takes all the attention of his parents and other adults in the family can take him by surprise.

Meanwhile, parents wonder if they will love the second baby as much as they do with the first child, but for children the concern is the reverse: “Will my parents stop loving me?” . The doubt may be greater in young children, but it will not cease to exist among older children or even adolescents.

The fact that jealousy between siblings is natural  does not mean that we have to let our children suffer for them. Nor can we neglect the baby that has come to the family. We must balance the attention and share the love we have so that all children are well and happy.

Prepare children for the arrival of a sibling

The work of managing jealousy between siblings begins even before the gestation of the second or third baby, as evidenced by this study published in the electronic journal of information for parents of the Spanish Association of Primary Care Pediatrics. That is, it begins with the first baby.

To the extent that we have raised that first child with all the love, time, contact, and respect he needs, he will be more prepared to share his parents with a new member of the family.

Once we break the news that mom is pregnant, the child has to start being part of the process. Love between siblings does not arise for its own sake, nor is it inherited, nor is it attached to kinship. It is up to the parents to sow that seed so that it germinates within the framework of daily coexistence.

The love towards his brother is cultivated from the gestation. Maybe it would be good if you go to one of the medical check-ups where the baby is done and can see your brother.

You can also participate in prenatal stimulation exercises or in choosing the baby’s name. Bringing the children closer to the brother who is on the way is the responsibility of the parents.

When jealousy between siblings grows

Children should know that babies are here to stay. Although in the first months they monopolize the attention of the parents, as they grow, little by little, they will become playmates.

Even if there is a great age difference between the siblings, spaces for sharing and relating can emerge. To achieve these spaces, parents are key pieces.

Jealousy between siblings arises because children wonder what their place is in the family and in the hearts of their parents. For this reason, the older brother is jealous of the younger, but the reverse also happens.

It is up to parents to provide security and confidence to all children. All are loved and their needs and particularities are taken care of. The goal is that the chances of jealousy arising can be minimized.

Strategies for managing jealousy

Jealousy between siblings manifests itself in many ways : tantrums or bad behavior, regressions to stages that have already been overcome, arguments and fights. However, parents can minimize the chances of jealousy arising.

Taking as a reference this study carried out by the Department of Education and Culture of the Government of Navarra, we mention some strategies:

• Each child needs to be cared for and loved according to his personality and individual characteristics.
• Parents must create spaces for meeting and sharing among siblings.
• There must be limits and rules between siblings. As angry as they are, they cannot stop talking to each other or go to sleep or wake up without saying hello. Nor can they insult or disrespect each other, or resort to physical violence to resolve their differences.

• It is necessary to ensure moments in which the parents personally attend to the needs of each child.
• You have to explain to the children that you don’t love one child more than another. However, saying it is not enough: it has to be evidenced on a day-to-day basis.
• Parents have to avoid preferential treatment towards one or the other child.
• The comparisons between children are absolutely prohibited.
• If children fight, parents have to prevent them from resorting to violence. You have to give them the tools so that they can resolve their differences.

When jealousy between siblings turns into open rivalry or even physical confrontations, the support of a therapist or psychologist should be sought. In addition, help should be sought if one of the children falls into a regressive, depressed, or aggressive attitude.

Regarding jealousy between siblings …

Respect for the individuality of each child is essential to avoid jealousy between siblings . Likewise, parents are the ones who cultivate love and respect between their children. A child who has received love and respect from his parents, who has shared time, games and dedication, is basically a happy child. He has learned to relate to his parents and will surely learn to do so with his siblings.

In turn, it is up to parents to devote the same quality of time, love, and respect to their next children. That does not guarantee that there will not be moments of arguments or even fights with the brothers. But they will be able to settle their differences, confident that they have their place in their parents’ hearts.