8 Behaviors Of Healthy Couples When Arguing
Would you say that your relationship is healthy? How would you define the term ” healthy couples ” ? Do you think you argue more than usual? There are many myths about the way couples deal with an argument. Some of these claim that one of the two people should give in or that you should never go to bed if you are still angry.
Although these myths have the best of intentions, they are not all true. Therefore, below We want to tell you about some of the behaviors that healthy couples follow when they argue. You will see that it is not an impossible thing to do, since all these actions are quite logical. That said, pay attention!
1. Healthy couples know that listening is the key
What is your first reaction when your partner has a different opinion than you? Do you immediately jump into arguing or do you stop for a moment and try to understand it? The vast majority do the first and the resulting problem is that communication does not flow .
Remember that there are at least two parts to the communication process: you and your partner. So, p for a moment and listen to their arguments . This will help you understand their point of view and you can analyze the situation from their perspective.
2. At the appropriate moment, they make their argument
Whether it is your turn to speak before or after your partner, Try to explain your opinion as clearly as possible and ask the other person:
- Because I you have angered ?
- What makes this problem, attitude or behavior so serious?
- Does it always bother you or was there something different this time?
- What do you think is the solution?
You will see that the moment you begin to answer these questions, you will perceive the situation in another way. Also, healthy couples know that understanding is a matter of two. Therefore, do not wait for the other to guess what you are thinking, feeling or believing. Perhaps the cause of the problem is very obvious to you, but your partner has not even realized it.
3. Each one speaks from their feelings and points of view
One mistake that healthy couples don’t make is to start the discussion by speaking from each other’s point of view or feelings. Instead of saying: “you have done” or “you have said” they begin with a “sorry”, “I have felt” or a “I believe”.
If you notice, in the first case the words have a tone of accusation while, in the second, they generate empathy . This will help keep your partner from being defensive during the conversation. Thus, she will be able to identify with you and will be interested in hearing what you are saying and feeling. In turn, speaking in the first person will also help avoid confusing or unclear conversations.
4. Establish the discussion rules clearly.
Healthy couples know that arguing is very normal and they prepare for it. One of the first steps they usually take is to establish certain rules to be followed during matches.
In this way, they usually have well defined:
- How they will solve the problems. Speaking in the moment? Leaving a few hours? Giving yourself more time? For this, it is important that each one knows each other and knows how he reacts when he is upset.
- Where will they resolve the situation. Some couples find it easier to start a conciliatory conversation if they talk at home calmly and over coffee. On the contrary, others prefer to go for a walk in the park to feel relaxed.
5. Healthy couples know how to choose which discussions are worth having.
Healthy couples know that some arguments don’t make a lot of sense and that, in the end, they solve nothing. So, determine what will be the topics in which they will invest time and effort .
For example, fighting over dessert or breakfast is not as relevant as determining whether or not they will move to a new job. In addition, there are other factors that healthy couples take into account when determining whether or not to argue, such as:
- Know if it is the mood that causes the discussion or if it really is a problem.
- Know if the topic is really important or is something banal.
6. Healthy couples don’t lose sight of the big picture
Some couples see every problem as the end of the relationship. These are those couples who never go more than a month without fighting and in which everything is drama. Healthy couples, meanwhile, they know that arguments are very normal. Instead of running away or overdoing it, they give them the timely and necessary attention, fix the problem, and move on.
7. They focus on solving the problem
When you’re in the middle of a fight, it’s very easy to get lost in it. With all the arguments, ideas and feelings it’s easy to forget what’s beyond However, what you should keep in mind is that you are in a couple and that the important thing is to find the solution to the problem. In this point, it is important to identify the difference between the real problem and the small situations that generate discussion .
For example, a real problem is that you have to move to another city when one of you is not willing to do so. The little situations will be all the discussions that occur around trying to avoid moving.
8. They know that problems should not be solved immediately
Rather than trying to resolve the situation when tempers are heightened, healthy couples give themselves a chance to take a breath before moving on.
Sometimes, it is necessary to think about everything around, since the point of view can change and end the fight almost without having started it.
What do you think of these habits that healthy couples usually have when it comes to arguing? If you recognize yourself in some of them, congratulations! This may put your relationship on the right track. Otherwise, maybe you should put some of them into practice.
